Is it possible to give the child more attention?

 

Caring for the child

Today's parents spend more time with their children than ever before. Yet, they worry more than previous generations about whether they are doing enough—because they believe a lack of commitment could harm their children's future success and well-being.  This can have negative consequences. Mothers experience increased social pressure on their children compared to fathers, which has a negative impact on mothers' well-being. The COVID-19 pandemic and homeschooling have exacerbated the situation.  This raises an important question: How much attention is enough? Is it harmful to leave children to fend for themselves? Should you ignore a child? Or, conversely, do you become overly involved with your children? As is often the case with child development, the answer lies somewhere in between (reassuringly, most parents do "enough"). 

We know that supportive parenting is important for child development. Attachment theory states that when a parent or primary caregiver meets an infant's needs appropriately and consistently, the infant is more likely to develop a secure attachment to that person.  This helps them feel more confident about themselves and the world, leading to more positive cognitive, social and emotional development. Although secure attachment is important, increased attention does not lead to a proportional increase in attachment. Instead, it is important to carefully consider levels of involvement and balance supporting children to achieve levels of resilience and independence. 

One piece of evidence that often comes up in discussions about attachment is a study of the outcomes of children in Romanian orphanages. These children often lack important interaction, affection, care, and opportunities to form secure attachments. Studies of their later development have found poorer physical, cognitive and social development outcomes.  These studies are important, but they fall far short of parental involvement that worries most parents today.  Research on more typical parent-child relationships has found that social and emotional outcomes improve when mothers and fathers are more connected and involved with their children.

Speaking and reading to young children are especially important for language and reading skills. Listening to children and helping them understand and regulate their emotions is also important for later emotional and social health.